My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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