Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
