i permit you to call me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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