My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
