I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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