I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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