New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
