Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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