Do you still have your period?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
