should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
