You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
