I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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