4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
