shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
