I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
