My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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