just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
