I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
