I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
