Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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