I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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