He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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