i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
