p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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