If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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