Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
