"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
