I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
