Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
3pm strippers are depressing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
