u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
