dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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