Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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