The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
