He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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