Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
