I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
