So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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