playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I could fuck to npr.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
