The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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