I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
