I hate all girls vehemently.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
