butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
