i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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