I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
