So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
