my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
