now i know why i became what i already was.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
