Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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