Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
