are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
